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Premature
A man was having problems with premature ejaculation. This was affecting marital relations with his wife so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what could he do to cure his problem. In response the doctor said, "When you feel the urge to ejaculate, try startling yourself". One the way home the man went to a sports store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try out this suggestion he runs home to his wife. When he gets home he is surprised and delighted to find his wife in bed, already naked. He's so horney and keen to try out his new 'system' that he doesn't think twice and leaps on board. After a few minutes ‘slap and tickle’, they find themselves in the '69' position. Sure enough, only moments later the man feels the sudden urge to come. Following doctor’s orders, he grabs the starter pistol off the bedside table and fires it. The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, "How did it go?" The man answered, "Just great, asshole...when I fired the pistol my wife shit on my face, bit 3 inches off my dick and my neighbor came out of the closet naked with his hands in the air!" 
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