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Who Wears the Pants
Jack was going to be married to Jill, so his father sat him down for a little fireside chat...... He says "Jack, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants and handed them to your mother, and said, here - try these on." So, she did and said, "These are too big, I can't wear them". I replied, "...exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will. Ever since that night we have never had any problems." "Hmmm," says Jack. He thinks that might be a good thing to try. So on his honeymoon, Jack takes off his pants and says to Jill, "Here try these on." So she does and says, "these are too large, they don't fit me." Jack says, "...exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will, and I don't want you to ever forget that." Then Jill takes off her pants and hands them to Jack and says, "Here, you try on mine." So he does and says, "I can't get into your pants." So Jill says, "...exactly. And if you don't change your smartass attitude, you never will." 
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