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Pirate visits bar
A pirate was talking to a "land-luvver" in a bar. The land-luvver noticed that, like any self-respecting pirate, this guy had a peg leg, a hook in place of one of his hands and a patch over one eye. The land-luvver just had to find out how the pirate got in such bad shape. He asked the pirate, "How did you loose your leg?" The pirate responded, "I lost me leg in a battle off the coast of Jamaica!" His new acquaintance was still curious so he asked, "What about your hand. Did you loose it at the same time?" "No," answered the pirate. "I lost it to the sharks off the Florida Keys." Finally, the land-luvver asked, "I notice you also have an eye patch. How did you loose your eye?" The pirate answered, "I was sleeping on a beach when a seagull flew over and crapped right in me eye." The land-luvver asked, "How could a little seagull crap make you loose your eye?" The pirate snapped, "It was the day after I got me hook!" 
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