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Farting
When not to Fart: 1. In a crowded elevator 2. On a crowded bus 3. In a public library 4. While on a date 5. While giving a speech 6. In church 7. In a crowded classroom 8. In your office when you're alone - someone's bound to walk in immediately afterwards 9. In a movie theater 10. In your cubicle at work - again someone's bound to walk in to visit 11. In a walk-in freezer - it'll linger a while 12. In an commercial airplane 13. In a ticket line 14. In your car before picking up a family member 15. during confession 16. In bed when you're feeling frisky 17. In a Cessna 18. While fighting fire in a burning building 19. In a patrol car for a minor violation When to Fart: 1. In your bosses office as you are turning to leave. Tip-Make sure it's a silent one. 2. In a bathroom 3. In a cashier's line - it might help to speed up things 4. In an empty elevator before you get off 5. Next to an occupied changing room - it may quickly become unoccupied. 6. In someone elses unoccupied cubicle at work 7. While parachuting 8. While scuba diving 9. In the back seat of a patrol car if you are arrested 10. During interrogation if you're the one being interrogated 11. In your car if you've been carjacked 12. In the changing room when you're sure someone else is waiting their turn. 13. In your car once you've been pulled over. The cop may let you go quicker. 14. During a pie eating competition to distract your competitors 15. While walking down a crowded hallway. Nobody will know who to blame. 
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