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If men ruled..
If men ruled the world would be different - Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to 'I love you.' - Hallmark would make 'Sorry, what was your name again?' cards. - When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she would appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during half-time. - Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the bum would pretty much do it. - Birth control could come in ale or lager. - The funniest guy in the office would get to be the big boss. - 'Sorry I'm late, I got hammered last night,' would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness. - It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town. - Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the 'public ugliness' ordinance. - Tanks would be far easier to rent. - Instead of beer belly, you'd get 'beer biceps'. - Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, 'You're No. 1.' - Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29. - Cops would be broadcast live and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks. - The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers. - The only show opposite Friday Night Football would be Friday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle. - It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of petrol. - Every man would get four real 'Get Out of Jail Free' cards per year. - When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-alec answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine, as in: Cop: `You know how fast you were going?' You: 'All I know is that I was spilling my beer all over the place.' Cop: 'Nice one. That's $10 off.' 
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