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the drunk
A little boy on the way to school one day saw a drunk playing with himself in an alley. The boy asked what he was doing. The drunk said "playing with my birdie, playing with my birdie" He then passed out. When he came to he was in the hospital, in pain around his groin area. He asked the Dr what happened, the Dr brought in the little boy and told him to answer the man. The boy said "after you went to sleep mister, I played with your birdie and he spit at me so I broke his neck, cracked his eggs and set his nest on fire" 
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