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Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope. Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years" Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button. When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C" Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125. After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms. 
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