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I never wanted to be
I never really wanted to be a scientist. I wanted to be...a...A SYSADMIN! [system engineer choir and shift supervisor enter, music strikes up] Oh, I'm a sysadmin and I'm OK, I grep all night and I chown all day. [choir] He's a sysadmin and he's OK, He greps all night and he chowns all day. I ping the nodes, I do PM, I awk and perl and sed. I've got a Star Wars lunchbox, and Tron sheets on my bed! [choir] He pings the nodes, he does PM, he awks and perls and seds. He's got a Star Wars lunchbox, and Tron sheets on his bed! [repeat chorus] I ping the nodes, I change the rates, I fork the processes. I wish that all my lusers would catch some rare disease! [choir, growing slightly uncomfortable] He pings the nodes, he changes rates, He forks the processes. He wishes all his lusers would catch some rare disease! [choir brightens as they repeat chorus] I ping the nodes, I lock the /home partition and umount. I post .gifs of my boss's daughter from his account! [choir, very uncomfortable and trailing off] He pings the nodes, he locks the /home partition and umounts...?? [shift supervisor, in tears] Oh Bevis! And I thought you were so dedicated. 
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