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Cannibals
A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, "the bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you. We will put you in a pot and cook you, eat you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die." The Frenchman says, "I take ze sword." the chief gives him a sword, he shouts,"Vive la France!" and runs himself through. The Englishman says, "a pistol for me, please." The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says, "God save the queen!" and pulls the trigger. The New Yorker says, "gimme the fawkin' fork." the chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The new Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over--the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There's blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled, and asks, "my God almighty, what are you doing?" The New Yorker says, "so much for your canoe, you stupid asshole!" 
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