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Security system
How to install a Redneck wireless security system: Go to a second-hand store, buy a pair of men's used work boots ... a really big pair. Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine. Put a dog dish beside it ... a really big dish. Leave a note on your front door that says something like this: "Bubba, Big Mike and I have gone to get more ammunition - back in 30 minutes. Don't disturb the pit bulls, they've just been wormed." 
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