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Viagra emails
I get a hundred e-mails a day wanting me to buy Viagra. Clearly, the online Viagra people know something about my penis that I don't. So my reasoning went like this: maybe if I bought some of their sweet precious Viagra, they would shut the hell up. As a bonus, I would actually own some Viagra, which I could use to surprise my wife. "Oh, darling!" my wife would exclaim. "Twelve hours of painful, nonstop intercourse? You shouldn't have!" 
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